I have been vlogging daily for the last few weeks on YouTube in hopes to understand myself and why weight loss this time around is so rough for me. And I can't say its the weight loss that's rough - its finding the motivation to move towards weight loss that is the challenge.
My journey from two years ago is gone. I keep holding onto the statement 'I lost 70 pounds 2 years ago' - well, Cris... I've also gained that weight back. Granted, I still have 10 pounds to go, but I have gained 60 pounds back. So what is the point of reminding myself that I was so much lighter 2 years ago other than to torture my current self and a reminder that I do know how to do it.
Well - I do know how to do it. That's the crappy part.
I woke up with back pain today.
It reminded me of the back pain I had 2 years ago before I lost that 70 pounds.
I don't like it. I don't like being fat. I don't like the clothes options I have available to me because I'm fat. I don't like that I stick out like a store thumb and I don't like feeling like crap all the time. I don't like not having energy and I don't like feeling like I'm missing out on a great life because I'm too fat to do things.
These are the same feelings I had 2 years ago before I lost 70 pounds.
I watched a documentary last night called "Fat, Sick, and Almost Dead." I don't know if I'd consider drinking only freshly juiced fruits and vegetables for 60 days... but 5 days is feasible. I don't know yet if I'm going to do that - but right now, sitting here with back pain, I know I have to do something.
As I read this I am almost to tears. I have had the same experiences on this topic for many years. I was always overweight. My highest used to be 400lbs. In 2011, I topped 600lbs which shook me to the core. I too use the "well I lost 150lbs back in 1991"...and yet, find myself grabbing for the comfort foods when I am stressed out. Ironically my being overweight often places me in situations that cause me to be more stressed out, repeating a bad pattern. You are an inspiration to read, and I will continue to follow your progress. In my heart I feel that we both will conquer our demons and one day lose the extra weight that plagues us.
ReplyDeleteI tell ya - it has been hard to sit down to this blog because it is admitting that I need to face myself - and for some reason I seem to be the hardest person to admit my weaknesses too.
DeleteYou are right - we will get through it and conquer those demons. Its a rough road but right now, its one I'm willing to take.